Most of you, my friends, family and followers, will have noticed that I haven’t written for a long time. There are a couple reasons why this is the case and I want to explain to you where I have been. I want to be completely open and “raw” about it, so you
can understand why and how I’ve got back on my feet. Here goes…
My Mental Health
If you read my previous blogs, you will know that I have suffered mental health issues. I hit a real low; I was failing my exams, struggling financially, pushing everyone away and the rest. Failing my exams for my vet nursing course was the main kick in the
teeth because here I am, working my ass off revising, completing assignments and everything else that comes with the course and I just could not get passed my exams. I’ve done multiple retakes and still not getting through it. Then, I had to make a decision;
a decision that at the time made me feel like a complete failure and that was to retake the first 6 months of the first year, instead of progressing onto the second year. You can imagine that this really knocked my confidence. I told myself that I wasn’t good
or clever enough and that it’s just not meant to be. I would cry, moan and bring others around me down because I just wanted to quit the course, my job and just go find something else. When in reality, that was the complete opposite of what I wanted to do.
I could feel that I was beginning to lose friends over how I was reacting. In fact I did lose a couple friends, but it depends on how you use the or interpret the word “friend”. At the end of the day, if they can’t be there for you and guide you through some
of your darkest times, then they sure as shit don’t deserve to be around when you’re doing well. If you don’t miss them when they’re gone, its not a loss. Move on and keep doing you.
I was helping my mum one day in her dog grooming room and we were talking and she turned round to me, in a much laid back version of herself that even shocked me and said that I just need to decide what I want to do, stop going round in circles and that maybe
people are just fed up of me “going on” about the same topic, instead of just taking the bull by the horns. Usually I would argue my case, but even I couldn’t deny that she was right and that maybe I just needed a good shake. From that point on, I picked myself
up, dusted myself off and didn’t look back. I got my head down, accepted that by retaking some of the year, that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world and retook one of my exams. I came out of the exam, almost positive I failed and then low and behold, 6
weeks later I get an email saying I passed! I was and still am elated and gobsmacked and it was the confidence boost I needed to carry on. I love my job; there is nothing else I’d rather do. At least if I retake these 6 months and still don’t make it, I can
take comfort in the fact that I tried my bloody hardest and that is all we can do. We are all in charge of our own destiny, as cheesy as that sounds. Things are just going to get handed on a plate to you, you’ve got to put the work in and smash it as best
My Health & Fitness Journey
In May of this year I embarked on a whole new journey that I never thought I had the will power to continue on. I looked in the mirror one day and something just clicked. I was sick and tired of looking in the mirror, hating my reflection and the continuously
moaning about my body, instead of getting off my ass and doing something about it. At first I wanted to tackle my diet, I had horrendous eating habits, habits that included multiple takeaways a week, crisps, chocolate and more.
I began to eat things in moderation, cut out all the rubbish, reduced my takeaways and I felt so much better for it. I started at 63.5kg, that’s 9st 13lbs and this was a “light” day as I was usually over 10st. Please bare in mind I am 5ft 2in, that in
my opinion is too much for someone of my height. I slowly saw the scales go down, which made me feel good. Finally, something was going right and I was seeing good results. I then signed up to the gym, something I haven’t done since my teenage years. I started
going five times a week; I followed lots of Instagram fitness influencers like Krissy Cela, Whitney Simmons, Mel Alacanta. Etc. I watched a lot of their fitness tips, YouTube videos, meal ideas and I started to incorporate this into my routine and diet. Seven
months on and 11lbs down and I haven’t looked back. I’ve dropped nearly two dress sizes and am receiving words of encouragement all the time from my amazing friends and family. I can see a difference in my body, of course I can, but it means so much when others
notice and even say you’ve inspired them.
I’m 58.5kg now, but I have hit a brick wall, I can’t seem to lose anymore and it’s incredibly challenging. I refuse to eat fewer calories than has been recommended by MyFitnessPal because I truly believe I would have a borderline eating disorder. That is not
a road I want to go down so I am extremely aware and conscious of it. A lot of you know how much I LOVE my food, so the diet side is really tough, especially when you hit a plateau. I’ve decided that I’m not going to take too much notice of calories, but instead
make sure I’m hitting my macros and focus on the quality of the food I put in my body. I do still have a cheeky chocolate here and there; I don’t completely deprive myself, especially on weekends because at the end of the day I still have to live. Not only
this but I don’t simply go to the gym and do cardio, actually I rarely do cardio. I focus a lot on weight training and I have some so far, seeing definition is such a reward for the hard work I put in. I could barely squat the 20kg bar and I’m not squatting
40kg and this is on 7 months in. I’ve got so many years to perfect it and get stronger and it’s actually a really exciting journey to be on. It has also massively improved my mental health because the gym is the one place I can forget about everything else
and focus on myself and my goal and it releases a shit load of happy endorphins so it’s a win win.
On days I am full of confidence and I show the world this but on other days I’m so hard on myself, I’m critical and constantly moan that I am “fat”, when I know that I’m not. I constantly check in the mirror and see whether my belly looks bigger or not. I guess
I do have quite an obsessive character, but there will be other times where I don’t care and accept myself for who I am because I have come so far with a lot of things and I just need to learn to remind myself of that.
Am I Vegan?
No I am not. My husband is a vegan and I totally respect that and encourage it, I think that actually it is a great thing to do, both ethically and environmentally. I do eat a lot less meat now, probably only once a week and if I am honest I probably could
cut out the meat, but with my it’s the dairy aspect I find difficult because I do like cheese, milk chocolate and other products that contain dairy. Maybe one day I will go completely vegan, but right now it’s not something I want to follow and change completely.
I eat a lot of vegan meals with my husband and most of them are amazing and you can see a lot of these on my Instagram page (laurajholderness). I have substituted a lot of products in the house, we now don’t buy mayonnaise and instead buy Veganaise which tastes
the same, if not better, than your standard mayonnaise. We also don’t have dairy butter and instead have dairy free butter which again tastes exactly the same. My favourite vegetarian/vegan meat substitutes are Linda Mcartneys range, very well done and similar
So there you have it, a complete catch up on where I have been and what I have been up to. Any questions or comments, please feel free to message me. In the words of PT Barnum “no one ever made a difference by being like everyone else”. Be unique, don’t listen
to negativity and focus on yourself and your own goals!